They may struggle socially, but offer to tell a teenage girl with Asperger’s how to get a boyfriend and she’s all ears!
Like neurotypical teens, girls with Asperger’s, NLD and high-functioning autism crave connection with their male and female peers. Although they don’t always know how to go about developing these relationships, a little guidance in this area can go a long way toward healthy social development.
Relationship Challenges Facing Teens with Asperger’s
Teenage girls with Asperger’s Syndrome face unique challenges compared to their neurotypical peers. They often struggle to learn all the nuanced social and life skills that other girls pick up on in middle school, and need extra guidance to understand:
- Who are the mean girls, and how do I deal with or stay away from them?
- What is the typical course of friendship development?
- What qualities should I look for in a best friend?
- Why should I feel good about myself?
- How do I keep myself hygienic?
- What does it mean when a boy gets close to me?
- How do I discern who is going to hurt me and who is going to help me?
At Talisman Academy’s North Carolina school for teens with Asperger’s, girls are integrated into a co-ed learning environment, but still have focused “girl time.” To meet the special needs of girls with Asperger’s, Talisman has developed a formal Girls’ Group that meets once a week to discuss such topics as:
- Relationships
- Respect
- Make-up
- Personal hygiene
- Internet safety
- Boundaries
- Reciprocal conversations
- Self-esteem
Issues are addressed with particular attention to developmental gaps of understanding, pragmatics and multi-modal instruction.
As any grown woman knows, female relationships can be extremely complex. Many teenage girls with Asperger’s would prefer to hang out with boys because those relationships are easier to navigate. But female friendships are critically important to satisfy the emotional needs in women’s lives.
“Having close friendships gives our students a better sense of what it means to be a teenage girl. This gives them the freedom to identify as teenage girls rather than someone with Asperger’s,” says Juliette McNamara, MA, the program counselor at Talisman Academy who leads the Girls’ Group.
Self-Defense for Girls with Asperger’s
While most teens are encouraged to be kind and trusting, teenage girls with Asperger’s also need to be prepared to protect themselves from people who don’t have their best interests at heart. Because they tend to be exceedingly trusting and typically struggle with reading nonverbal cues and advocating for themselves, girls with Asperger’s may unknowingly put themselves in harm’s way.
At Talisman Academy, the staff addresses these issues through open conversations, art projects, movies and perspective taking. In addition to the weekly Girls’ Group, the school hosts a self-defense course. The martial arts teacher leads three sessions of self-defense for girls enrolled at Talisman Academy, as well as girls with Asperger’s, NLD and high-functioning autism in the neighboring community. This helps students practice social skills with girls outside of the school, have fun, and learn imperative skills for self-protection.
The students at Talisman have frequent opportunities to practice relationship skills in a supervised setting. With feedback and guidance from staff and their peers, teenage girls learn much more than how to get a boyfriend – they often discover they may not quite be ready for one after all.
